We all want to be better, more capable writers and it all starts with cleaner prose that closes up the distance between the author and the reader. Use this check list the next time you’re self-editing your fiction, as well as your memoir and poetry. You’re welcome!
- Use strong nouns and verbs and try to eliminate these weak adjectives and adverbs from your pages:
a little
almost
anyway
at the present time
began to
by means of
certainly
considering the fact that
definitely
even
exactly
fairly
in order to
in spite of the fact that
in the event that
is/was/were
just
perhaps
probably
proceeded to
owing to the fact
quite
rather
real
really
seem
slightly
so
some
somewhat
sort of
somewhat
such
that
the
usually
very
which
- Avoid adverbial phrases beginning with “as.”
Using “as” indicates simultaneous action, which readers may have trouble picturing. Instead, write only one action at a time.
AVOID: As he walked to his car, John waved to his daughter as she raced her tricycle into a man as he jogged down the sidewalk.
STRONGER: John strolled to his car and waved to his daughter on her tricycle. Before he could yell a warning, she raced into a jogger on the sidewalk and knocked him down.
In fiction everything happens sequentially, one thing at a time, not all at once like in real life. Your job as the novelist is to break down simultaneous events in order, especially in your action writing.
- Eliminate redundancies—they can dilute your meaning!
two-wheeled bicycle
6 a.m. in the morning
absolutely perfect (say “perfect”)
blistering hot (say “blistering”)
brief glance
ceiling/roof overhead
climbed up the stairs
cold chill
continued on
crept slowly
drop down
eased slowly
end result
exact same
fall down
little baby
long-necked giraffe
long-lasting durability
nodded his head
past history
ran quickly
red in color
rise up
rose to her feet
sat down
shrugged his shoulders
sky above
small leprechaun
stomped heavily
stood to his full height
stood up/rose up/climbed up
terribly bad
the reason why tiptoed quietly
whispered softly
- Vary your sentence structure, so you’re not using noun/verb/direct object all of the time—you’ll tire out your readers!
- Watch out for disruptive action reversals so the reader isn’t seeing the same things happen twice and you keep the action moving forward.
WEAK: He handed her his kerchief after dampening it with water from his canteen. [did he hand it to her then dampen it and then hand it back to her?]
STRONG: He dampened his kerchief with water from his canteen, and then handed it to her.
- Replace unnecessary dialogue tags with action. Action from a character that occurs within the same paragraph as dialogue from that character identifies the speaker, eliminating the need for “said.”
WEAK: “Come in the house this minute, young man!” Mom said with an angry scowl on her face.
STRONG: “Come in the house this minute, young man!” Mom slammed the screen door behind her and stood with her hands on her hips, an angry scowl on her face.
- Write in the positive. Tell us what was, not what wasn’t. Don’t write, “There was no light in the closet.” Instead say, “The closet was dark.” Don’t write, “She was not impressed with his repertoire.” Instead say, “I was unimpressed by his repertoire.”
- To avoid confusion, refer to your characters the same way every time—don’t sometimes use their first name, then their rank, then their last name.
- Don’t have body parts act on their own except the eyes (“His eyes widened”). So no “His mouth/lips curved into a smile” “His arm rested on the back of her seat.” “Her foot rubbed his under the table.” Instead, say, she rubbed her foot…she curved her lips….she waved.
- Cut out “began to” or “started to” unless you’re describing a step by step activity. Not “she started to laugh.” Say “she laughed.”
- Watch out that you don’t use a meaningful word twice on the same page, such as “alter” in one sentence and “alter” in the next sentence.
- Are you keeping track of time on the page, like how long it takes to get from here to there? I suggest making a time table so you don’t mess up your chronology.
Your Turn:
What did I miss? Share with me in the comments!
Excellent post and tips! Am sharing with my clients! Thank you!
You’re so welcome–come back and visit anytime! ~Alice
It’s a brilliant list, Alice! Thanks for sharing. Two thoughts:
Firstly: What did you miss? Because your topic is “bolder writing,” I’m sure you have thoughts on adding excitement into a passage in a meaningful and reader-tolerable manner. Examples:
-How can exclamation points be used effectively without being overused, inside and outside dialog?
-How much hyperbole is too much, if any exaggeration is tolerable?
-Not every description can claim something to be the “best,” “finest,” “most colorful,” etc., but can such adjectives and adverbs be used properly?
Secondly, I smiled when reading point number 8: “To avoid confusion, refer to your characters the same way every time—don’t sometimes use their first name, then their rank, then their last name.”
-You might have humorously written, “Don’t be ‘Russian’ into confusing character references.”
One can’t imagine Tolstoy, Dostoyevsky, Turgenev, Gogol, etc., without such usage of names and titles. It proves your point, however, to note that most readers of Russian literature find that such character naming creates the greatest difficulty in absorbing the material.
Thirdly (a bonus, since I claimed only two thoughts):
Your post works! I edited this comment while typing. It had said,
-“Secondly, I had to smile …”
but it was bolder and more direct to write,
-“Secondly, I smiled …”.
Thanks so much, Doug–I loved your Russian author reference. I don’t believe exclamation marks belong in writing except for dialogue and hyperbole can work well if your tone is humorous.
Alice,
Excellent list.
I avoid exclamation marks the same reason I avoid semicolons. I once heard an aspiring writer complain that she wanted to keep a semicolon in a line despite the objections of everyone else in the group because “I know how to use them properly.”
Mastering grammar is a good thing, but keeping your reader entranced by the action is more important than showing off your English degree. Both of these punctuation marks draw attention to the writer instead of the writing.
BTW, a shout-out to DougInNC! (Yes, the rules of blog commenting are different from the rules of fiction writing.)
I think when writers count their words they tend to use redundancies to boost the count but then the content reads poorly. Great tips.
Yes and word repetitions usually happen at the beginning of chapters, paragraphs and sentences–when we’re first composing what to say.